Tuesday, June 21, 2011

The Club (BDCWB flash fiction challenge #2)

Lilah and Bethanny had both turned fifteen this summer, and they were going to the county fair, but – for the first time ever- not with their parents. Kristy, a grade ahead of them, got her license in April, and was coming to pick them up and they were all going together. Lilah came over early to Bethanny’s house. The girls spent a long time trying to figure out what to wear, and another long time choosing lip gloss, and even longer wondering what they would talk about, and the day seemed endless and they thought evening would never come.

Be home by eleven - Bethanny’s parents reminded them – drive safe! Kristy nodded and smiled as she pulled out, gravel spitting, and headed down the long driveway, waving her polished pink fingernails out the window all the way.

Kristy was tall and slim and blonde and perfect in the way that some girls are, and other girls aspire to be. Lilah and Bethanny knew they really weren’t in the same set but they were flattered Kristy had offered to drive them. Just as the car was beyond sight of the house, Kristy reached across Lilah to open the glove box and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, one-handedly flipping the box open and shaking one out. Kristy clutched the steering wheel with one hand as she lit the cigarette with the other, took a drag and sighed deeply. The windows were still open and ashes occasionally flew over the back seat of the car. Bethanny swatted them away like pesty gnats.

Oh my God, Kristy began, finally, you just wouldn’t believe. She told them about her boyfriend Jake and how he wasn’t even coming tonight even though it was the best night of the fair, the night everyone was going to be there, except he and a few of his buddies decided to hike out to the falls and probably drink beer instead and how much of a jackass could he be? and so here she is and wouldn’t it just serve him right if she didn’t just hang out with Trey just to make him mad. She went on and on, and with every charge against Jake, Kristy jabbed the cigarette in the air as if to emphasize his jack-assedness. More ashes flew around and Bethanny swatted, hoping they wouldn’t land on her new shorts. The girls murmured and nodded, no room to get a word in edgewise much less knowing what to say.

Then it got quiet and the ashes stopped. I love him, you know, Kristy said. He’s an idiot. But I love him. She wiped a tear from her cheek, streaking her mascara and somehow managing not to set her hair on fire with the stub of her cigarette. You know what I’m talking about, right?

They didn’t quite know, but they could just almost imagine it. Oh yes, they said, suddenly feeling like they’d been invited into a secret club. Oh yes. Yes. We know.


  1. Nice flash fiction. That is one of the best photo prompts I've seen. How could you not have something to write about after seeing that. I like the characters in the story, I could even see Kristy being awkward in expressing herself while not setting her hair on fire.

    Great job.

  2. This is great - I can just see and hear my 16 year old cruising right along with them.

  3. Wonderful! I love the paragraph. Just like young girls: pretending to know what they haven't a clue about.

  4. *last paragraph.

    sometimes my fingers are going faster than my mind.

  5. Hello! It seems you are also making good use of the prompt pics also!

  6. This is so good! I really like it! I can just about imagine the whole picture.

  7. Thanks so much, Aths and Jaye. Jaye I enjoyed your story so much as well!


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